It’s time to talk about the Squatty Potty. I don’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable, but, as Taro Gomi says, “Everyone Poops.”

One of my best friends and her husband got a 2-pack from Costco (they are OBSESSED with Costco) They gifted one of them to me, assuring me it was going to be a game changer.  I should add that she was pregnant at the time, and her husband is a big toilet time fan.  I was NOT a fan of pooping.  I know this is TMI, but pooping made me feel empty?  Whatever.

Now, this is the first I’m admitting this (And they don’t know.  Well, now they are going to know.) but I immediately re-gifted the item, horrified to have one in my possession and embarrassed at the thought of someone seeing it in my home. I mean, just bringing it through airport security home to Wisconsin was like a “uh, hell no” for me.  I’m very particular about my decor, and the thought of adding a large plastic “thingy” that has everything to do with pooping just didn’t fit into my furnishings strategy.

So what happened is they came to visit me in Wisconsin from Arizona. I panicked.  You know, it’s one of those gifts where if they don’t see it displayed proudly, they would ask where it is, and be offended that it was missing from the decor.  You know what I’m talking about.  I mean, my friend would always ask me how I pooped, and how happy I was with my poop, and I lied to her, always saying, “Never Better!” We all have those items we pull out before a friend or family member comes over to *proudly* show because it was a gift, and then promptly return to storage when they leave.  It’s the polite thing to do.

So I quickly went to Amazon, knowing I needed to get one ASAP. I started stressing because there are 2 heights to choose from (7 inches or 9 inches if you care), and I don’t remember the height they got me.  I winged it and chose the lower one and it arrived in time for them to see it proudly displayed in my home.

So I used it. I mean, it was sitting there conveniently hugging my bowl.  And I’m going to put this right here so you know how serious I am, but that baby has never left my sight since. If you have come to my home since then and saw it snuggling my toilet base, you better believe I’m not embarrassed that you are embarrassed for me for not “putting it away before the guests came over and saw it”.  I want to talk about it.  I want to tell you about it.  I want to scream it from the rooftop! This ain’t some dirty pair of undies that I need to shove in a corner, this is a proud and permanent part of my life.

I really don’t want to get into too many details.  I really think you should just buy one and know what I’m going to type.  Because I’m a pretty transparent person and if you’ve made it this far reading I’m sure you want some details; I will say I’ve cut down on TP from the clean wipe it provides, and toilet time is cut down dramatically as things work exactly as they should with no delay, pushing, or question of consistency anymore.

So you know how not unusual or life changing this is, please see how a squat toilet works.  No offense to Kohler and their  optimization of the porcelain throne, but I think a built in stool would have made it the ultimate game changer, not that thin useless base.  Unless they are in cahoots with the Gastrointestinal medial industry and share profits from poor poopers.  Or they wanted people to be able to take a nice long time while on the shitter to read magazines and play games on their phones. Cause I get that. (PS, this is a cool article from the History Channel about why they call it a “crapper” and the true inventor of the toilet)

Ok, I put it out there. Just try it, stop making this weird, it’s a thing.

Love,

The Bandwagon Girl