You ever think about what you want to happen when you die? Yeah, me either that would be super morbid.  But if I was a super control freak like that, it would probably be good to have some sort of plan so I’m willing to think about it.

So my parents made me come visit their attorney with them one morning, and said they had some stuff they wanted me to sign.  Turns out they wanted to make sure they got all my money when I die. Well, and make sure my cash and property and stuff didn’t get trapped in probate which is basically purgatory for money. So I signed myself over to my parents. Which is fine.  I ain’t got no kids or anything. (Yet.)

My mom also wanted to make sure no one left me on the vegetable machine if I got in an accident that left me vegetablized.

So this is a good opportunity to put my wishes out there so all of you can hold my mom responsible to what I want so she doesn’t get stuck in a fit of emotion trying to hold on to my body when all my goodies could have gone to other people who need and want them.  I mean, who wouldn’t want my face transplanted on theirs?

Here are my wishes.

1. Pull that plug.  But first, take EVERYTHING. Skin, hair (yes, this hair is virgin hair), eyes, organs (the liver may be iffy), brain, all the things.  Whatever is left, experiment on.  Let the student doctors practice cutting, let them study my bones, whatever. I’m talking NO RESTRICTIONS.  I ain’t gonna take it with me.
2. Any little bits left, cremate them.  Split them up into equal part equivalent to the number of people on my list consisting of my top tier of friends and family located in my underwear drawer next to the 27 pairs of underwear I’ll never wear or touch again but spent too much money on and are too pretty to throw away.*
3. Split the money up into equal parts to match the number of vials of my bod, and distribute to my favorite travel agent (Karen Mathwig, Destination Dream Travel, LLC) and online travel agency (Gate 1 Travel) with the list of names. (This is important so you can’t spend it on something stupid like your mortgage payment or paying off a car or something dumb and responsible.)
4.  Distribute the vial necklaces (found here.  Any color is fine, whatever matches your outfit. https://www.etsy.com/listing/572401252/rose-gold-stainless-memorial-glass?ref=shop_home_active_5) with this note:

“Dear Best Friend or Family Member,

I have passed away.  I would like you to take me to a country that I have not been to yet, and leave me there.  You have [X amount of dollars] to spend on this vacation.  Feel free to take me to multiple places if I have done well enough in life to afford to send you on multiple vacations.  If it’s only enough for a crappy place for a day or two, I apologize.  I promise we will have fun no matter what.  You’ve been very good to me in my life, and I’ve enjoyed being part of yours.  Life is short, don’t forget about the experiences that really matter and are most memorable.”

Don’t do a funeral or memorial.  Take that money and give it to some of my favorite charities, and go out for dinner and drinks together and split the tab and buy each other drinks and don’t worry about the money. It’s just money. Money will come. I promise you won’t be sad.  You’re just going to sit around and say, “If anyone lived a full life and was ready to go, it was her.  She did it all.”

That’s pretty much all I thought of.  Don’t get all worked up about the money not going to charities.  I promise while I’m alive I’ll be giving all I have of my time, talents and money to some great organizations which I’ll tell you more about in future posts.

Lisa

#thebandwagongirl #basicbih #myfairytalelife

PS: Any questions about how to get your ducks in a row (it’s a must do if you have more than a couple bucks in your 401k or savings or whatever, or if you worry about your mom crying bedside while you’re in a coma for 40 years) let me know and I’ll hook you up with a great attorney.

*to confirm if you are on this list or if you would like to express interest in getting on this list, please contact me directly.