funny blog

Jagged Little Pill Forever

by lisadiane

Tonight I spiraled down an Alanis Morissette rabbit hole and I really love where I landed.

It all started a couple weeks ago in Rocky Point, Mexico with my friends on Spring Break at their amazing beach house. We took turns playing DJ and sometimes went on benders of a certain artist. On the way back to the beach house after a night out on the town, my friend was manning the iPod. Yes, I said iPod. Legit an iPod. Fun Fact: The first version of the iPod was released in 2001. Jagged Little Pill was released in 1995.

View while listening to Alanis

Lucky for us, having only an iPod limited us to the music that was downloaded onto the iPod from 2001. Hence, Alanis. (Side Note: Linking that hyperlink took me to her website where I discovered there’s a podcast called Conversations with Alanis Morissette. Could today get any better?)

We rocked out so hard to all our favorite Alanis songs on the way back. We lived, we learned, we loved, we learned, we cried, we laughed, we chooooooooose we learned. When we got back to the house, we continued our bender, pouring our hearts and souls out to the world while working on a jigsaw puzzle. What a time to be alive.

Flash forward a couple weeks to this morning when I woke up with “Uninvited” trapped in my head. I need you to just put this song on, sit down, and reminisce back to 1998. I can’t stop playing it. It is making me feel something I haven’t felt in over 15 years. I feel like a high school girl again. And I’m angry. Just kidding. I’m just doing that thing we did when we had a crush on everyone with legs, and every Alanis song we thought, “Oh my gosh! This is about [insert guys name here]!”

Literally had it on repeat all day on a work road trip and just got more passionate about it on every round. My friend asked me what was up with my new obsession as I walked around my house humming it this evening when I got home. We got into a conversation about whatever happened to Alanis, googled it of course, and found a few interesting things.

First things first, she’s pregnant with her third child at 44! So cool, congrats to her. I wonder if I *knew* this and was just having a special connection and premonition to her and that’s how this whole thing got started.

Second thing I found was this terrible article. What is this person TALKING about??????? Not a good album???? Completely disagree. She’s obviously fighting with her husband right now and wanted to find a song that would help describe her feelings to angrily belt out. She immediately thought about Alanis as I’m sure that was her go-to in high school like the rest of us, and was severely disappointed there wasn’t a song about Amazon Prime and not having the same taste in vinyls as her man. Sorry. That was mean, but I don’t like when anyone talks crap about my girl Alanis. Author, think about what you’re saying. It’s not just the lyrics, but it’s the emotion Alanis pours out when she sings, the intense musical accompaniment, and the wild roller coaster of emotions that you get to ride on while listening. Jagged Little Pill is literally one of the best-selling albums of all time and we have this author over here ragging on here. No lady, no. The musical experimentation Alanis did in Jagged Little Pill reminds me of what Queen did with A Night at the Opera. Epic.

Third thing was certainly the most special thing, and an unexpected surprise. Not surprisingly, I’m not the only person who disagrees with this obviously jaded woman’s article, but this one comment from Zukka really mic dropped. Apparently, he saw an interview with Alanis where they asked her what she does to recover after recording all the emotional songs. Her response? She makes a cover music video of a shitty pop song infused with her unique take on it. I’ll just leave this here. You’re welcome.

Pop Quiz. You’re on a deserted island. You can bring 3 complete collections of 3 separate music artists. I used to say Paul Simon, John Mayer, and Miranda Lambert. After this bender, I think I’m prepared to trade out Miranda for Alanis because even after all these years she makes me feel all the feels. I need a moment to deliberate.

My Dear Squatty Potty

by lisadiane

It’s time to talk about the Squatty Potty. I don’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable, but, as Taro Gomi says, “Everyone Poops.”

One of my best friends and her husband got a 2-pack from Costco (they are OBSESSED with Costco) They gifted one of them to me, assuring me it was going to be a game changer.  I should add that she was pregnant at the time, and her husband is a big toilet time fan.  I was NOT a fan of pooping.  I know this is TMI, but pooping made me feel empty?  Whatever.

Now, this is the first I’m admitting this (And they don’t know.  Well, now they are going to know.) but I immediately re-gifted the item, horrified to have one in my possession and embarrassed at the thought of someone seeing it in my home. I mean, just bringing it through airport security home to Wisconsin was like a “uh, hell no” for me.  I’m very particular about my decor, and the thought of adding a large plastic “thingy” that has everything to do with pooping just didn’t fit into my furnishings strategy.

So what happened is they came to visit me in Wisconsin from Arizona. I panicked.  You know, it’s one of those gifts where if they don’t see it displayed proudly, they would ask where it is, and be offended that it was missing from the decor.  You know what I’m talking about.  I mean, my friend would always ask me how I pooped, and how happy I was with my poop, and I lied to her, always saying, “Never Better!” We all have those items we pull out before a friend or family member comes over to *proudly* show because it was a gift, and then promptly return to storage when they leave.  It’s the polite thing to do.

So I quickly went to Amazon, knowing I needed to get one ASAP. I started stressing because there are 2 heights to choose from (7 inches or 9 inches if you care), and I don’t remember the height they got me.  I winged it and chose the lower one and it arrived in time for them to see it proudly displayed in my home.

So I used it. I mean, it was sitting there conveniently hugging my bowl.  And I’m going to put this right here so you know how serious I am, but that baby has never left my sight since. If you have come to my home since then and saw it snuggling my toilet base, you better believe I’m not embarrassed that you are embarrassed for me for not “putting it away before the guests came over and saw it”.  I want to talk about it.  I want to tell you about it.  I want to scream it from the rooftop! This ain’t some dirty pair of undies that I need to shove in a corner, this is a proud and permanent part of my life.

I really don’t want to get into too many details.  I really think you should just buy one and know what I’m going to type.  Because I’m a pretty transparent person and if you’ve made it this far reading I’m sure you want some details; I will say I’ve cut down on TP from the clean wipe it provides, and toilet time is cut down dramatically as things work exactly as they should with no delay, pushing, or question of consistency anymore.

So you know how not unusual or life changing this is, please see how a squat toilet works.  No offense to Kohler and their  optimization of the porcelain throne, but I think a built in stool would have made it the ultimate game changer, not that thin useless base.  Unless they are in cahoots with the Gastrointestinal medial industry and share profits from poor poopers.  Or they wanted people to be able to take a nice long time while on the shitter to read magazines and play games on their phones. Cause I get that. (PS, this is a cool article from the History Channel about why they call it a “crapper” and the true inventor of the toilet)

Ok, I put it out there. Just try it, stop making this weird, it’s a thing.

Love,

The Bandwagon Girl

This is my very own toilet set up. Doesn’t it look great there in front of the toilet? Really adds some layers and dimension to the design.

Lasik. Get It.

by lisadiane

If you wear glasses or contacts, put them on or in right this moment and read this.  I’m here to tell you to get Lasik.  It’s an actual miracle.

I know I am about as far behind the bandwagon as you can get on this one, but I chased that sucker down and jumped on.  *Example of how far behind I am; I told a friend that I was getting it done, and she said she got it 20 years ago when they used knives and not lasers.  Now SHE’S an early adapter.

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