milwaukee

1 Year

by lisadiane

It was March, 2018. I had just exited yet another long term turned wrong term relationship. And I wanted a baby. Yes, I could have stayed in that wrong term relationship and had all my baby-making dreams come true, but in those dreams this particular relationship didn’t come with a lifetime of happiness for myself, or us. Our hopes and dreams didn’t align*. And neither did our love languages. (The 5 Love Languages is the single most influential book of my life that has helped pave my personal and professional life’s every success. That, and The Secret. Watch it. Power through. The message is important.)

So I got a dog, and called a doctor. The dog was a no-brainer. I missed having that unconditional love only a dog could give, but I also wanted to start reassuring myself that a lifetime of 24/7 commitment was something I still wanted. Could I still travel? And give work 110%? And have a social life? And take my dog with me? The answer was yes. And still is yes. Best decision I’ve made in years. I’m currently sitting at my local Colectivo writing this while my perfect angel baby sits quietly and people watches. Her favorite hobby.

The most amazing dog in the universe, Sushi.

The doctor on the other hand? The doctor was a bigger, scarier commitment. First of all, she was booked out until May. A great thing, because I can be impulsive and too decisive, and this was no puppy. I was terrified. I waited in the cold sterile room for this doctor that I had never met who was in complete control of my destiny to come in. And I practiced in my head what I would say. And in true Lisa fashion, rehearsed what she would say back, and so and so forth until I had manifested the outcome. My inner monologue is a scary place to be. As you know, fantasy is never the same as reality, so what really happened I never saw coming.

Me: (shaking, scared, apprehensive) “I’m thinking about having a baby by myself.”

Her: (ambivalent, amused, nonplussed) “Great! Let’s look at sperm donors! (Pulls up a website on the computer) Look, this guy has a black belt!”

Never in a million years in a million fantasies was the epic decision to have a child by myself so clear. For someone I had just met to respond to me with humor and unconditional trust in my decision was the ultimate sign for me. She then explained how she normally doesn’t talk money with patients, but in this situation, she does. She gave me my two options, IUI and IVF, and explained the difference in procedure and cost. I’ll get into procedure later, but lets just say that IUI is 1/20 the cost of IVF and the only avenue I could afford. The whole appointment was so reassuring and comfortable that I knew what I was going to do. None-the-less, I decided to give myself a year to consider all options and really vet this decision.

Over the course of May 2018-May 2019, I would say my biggest challenge with committing to this decision was the man part. No matter how feminist this decision looked and felt, I desperately desired for my life to become a Rom-Com** and Prince Charming would show up and we would be perfectly aligned in our hopes and dreams and do this thing together. (ie. “The Back Up Plan” with J-Lo. Premise: She gets inseminated, on the way home, meets *the guy* in the cab, they fall in love, he comes to all her appointments with her, becomes the father of the twins (!) and then they “accidentally” get pregnant quickly after the twins with their own DNA sharing child(ren) and life is perfect)

I painfully spent a year realizing my life is about as far away from a Rom-Com movie as possible. My life is entirely more of the “Com” part than the “Rom” part. I had strike out after strike out. In hindsight, most of the stories of my strike outs are fun to tell (my friends tell me). My heart broke a little every time though. Mostly for my future child. Because I do want them to have a present father. But also for me. Because life is more fun when you have someone you can do it with. Life that is. Get your head out of the gutter. Ok, and “that”.

But then, some random day in February of 2019, I finally felt at peace with myself being enough. Because I’m extra. Just kidding (but not really). I did realize that I wasn’t lying to myself when I always told people,

I don’t NEED a man, I WANT a man.

So here I am world! Doing the thing! Alone. And I’m going to tell you the story. Because that’s who I am. And who I will always be. And if I don’t share my story for other people to commiserate with, who will? And frankly, I could use all the support I can get.

Thanks for joining me on my journey,

Lisa

*Hopes and dreams include: a lakehouse, downtown condo, snowbird villa, and much international travel.

**Rom-Com=Romantic Comedy

Jagged Little Pill Forever

by lisadiane

Tonight I spiraled down an Alanis Morissette rabbit hole and I really love where I landed.

It all started a couple weeks ago in Rocky Point, Mexico with my friends on Spring Break at their amazing beach house. We took turns playing DJ and sometimes went on benders of a certain artist. On the way back to the beach house after a night out on the town, my friend was manning the iPod. Yes, I said iPod. Legit an iPod. Fun Fact: The first version of the iPod was released in 2001. Jagged Little Pill was released in 1995.

View while listening to Alanis

Lucky for us, having only an iPod limited us to the music that was downloaded onto the iPod from 2001. Hence, Alanis. (Side Note: Linking that hyperlink took me to her website where I discovered there’s a podcast called Conversations with Alanis Morissette. Could today get any better?)

We rocked out so hard to all our favorite Alanis songs on the way back. We lived, we learned, we loved, we learned, we cried, we laughed, we chooooooooose we learned. When we got back to the house, we continued our bender, pouring our hearts and souls out to the world while working on a jigsaw puzzle. What a time to be alive.

Flash forward a couple weeks to this morning when I woke up with “Uninvited” trapped in my head. I need you to just put this song on, sit down, and reminisce back to 1998. I can’t stop playing it. It is making me feel something I haven’t felt in over 15 years. I feel like a high school girl again. And I’m angry. Just kidding. I’m just doing that thing we did when we had a crush on everyone with legs, and every Alanis song we thought, “Oh my gosh! This is about [insert guys name here]!”

Literally had it on repeat all day on a work road trip and just got more passionate about it on every round. My friend asked me what was up with my new obsession as I walked around my house humming it this evening when I got home. We got into a conversation about whatever happened to Alanis, googled it of course, and found a few interesting things.

First things first, she’s pregnant with her third child at 44! So cool, congrats to her. I wonder if I *knew* this and was just having a special connection and premonition to her and that’s how this whole thing got started.

Second thing I found was this terrible article. What is this person TALKING about??????? Not a good album???? Completely disagree. She’s obviously fighting with her husband right now and wanted to find a song that would help describe her feelings to angrily belt out. She immediately thought about Alanis as I’m sure that was her go-to in high school like the rest of us, and was severely disappointed there wasn’t a song about Amazon Prime and not having the same taste in vinyls as her man. Sorry. That was mean, but I don’t like when anyone talks crap about my girl Alanis. Author, think about what you’re saying. It’s not just the lyrics, but it’s the emotion Alanis pours out when she sings, the intense musical accompaniment, and the wild roller coaster of emotions that you get to ride on while listening. Jagged Little Pill is literally one of the best-selling albums of all time and we have this author over here ragging on here. No lady, no. The musical experimentation Alanis did in Jagged Little Pill reminds me of what Queen did with A Night at the Opera. Epic.

Third thing was certainly the most special thing, and an unexpected surprise. Not surprisingly, I’m not the only person who disagrees with this obviously jaded woman’s article, but this one comment from Zukka really mic dropped. Apparently, he saw an interview with Alanis where they asked her what she does to recover after recording all the emotional songs. Her response? She makes a cover music video of a shitty pop song infused with her unique take on it. I’ll just leave this here. You’re welcome.

Pop Quiz. You’re on a deserted island. You can bring 3 complete collections of 3 separate music artists. I used to say Paul Simon, John Mayer, and Miranda Lambert. After this bender, I think I’m prepared to trade out Miranda for Alanis because even after all these years she makes me feel all the feels. I need a moment to deliberate.

Ardent You Glad You Read This?

by lisadiane

Well here’s a first my friends. I’m writing about something I loved in a timely fashion. Little heads up for you, this post is basically a test of how many positive favorable adjectives I know. Ready? Ok.

Ardent. Let’s talk about it.

My new mission in life is to stop going to the same restaurants over and over again. I think there’s enough great restaurants in the city to try a new one all the time! Little personal fact about me… part of my day job is to entertain clients. I feel there’s no better way to break bread aka do business than over food. I have my favorite impressive haunts in Milwaukee: Story Hill BKC, Bavette, La Merenda, Cafe Lulu… the list could go on of these affordable lovely great places that people really love when I take them there. But I know there is more to Milwaukee, and I’m ready to explore.

Tonight, I took a client to Ardent. Where do I begin.

Just a couple of businesswomen out on the town

We did the tasting with the pairing. I took pictures with my new phone, which means you will all be satisfied with the photos for once. *Little side story. Last weekend I was in Florida for a girls weekend with 10 girls in an Airbnb. I’m in the pool, cocktail in one hand, phone in the other, arms raised. Laughing, walking, talking, hit a deep spot, one hand goes down to steady myself, one hand goes up to save whatever I’m holding…. You can see where this story is going. New iPhone. Cocktail was saved, like an idiot. Wasn’t even a good cocktail.

Speaking of good cocktails… did I tell you about the pairings? 9 pairings. Nine amazing different wines… and even a Spotted Cow. The service was incredible. Man with Glasses and Woman with Fiance were uber professional. They explained every drink they set in front of us with the most pride I’ve ever heard someone take in explaining the “why” of something. One time the Man with Glasses was telling us about how the bark was peeled and the grape had skin and I swear I blacked out for a minute.

First round of snacks and tea in upper left hand corner, celery custard in top right, beef with egg and marrow plus cheesy bread in bottom left, and tofu soup in bottom right

Then there was the food. 12. Yes, TWELVE rounds. A couple of them were multiple things so it ended up being 17 different mouth experiences. I wish they didn’t show us the menu after so I could explain my favorites with my own words, but I’ll give it a try. You can also look at the menu they gave us afterwards for a tour of our experience. Or just go there.

Beef from Larry the cow in upper left, potatoes on potatoes with heaven sauce in upper right, the most magical thing that’s ever touched my lips in lower left, and radish wrapped tongue from an angel in the bottom right

Let’s talk about the cheese bread in the bag teamed with the beef tartar with the egg and marrow topping. All these things were from the same cow, Larry. Just kidding, they didn’t tell us his name, but, it could have been Larry because it’s from the award winning chefs’ family farm. I know I’m not explaining it right but it’s something very special. What about the foie gras carrot cone? That was literally the most magical thing I’ve ever put in my mouth. Ever. Or the radish wrapped tongue and cream treat. I. Can’t. Even. I literally died when I ate the potato dumplings with the potato chips on top in the bowl. DIED. DEAD. Or when the dessert round started and I had the coldest, spiciest, most interesting flavors hit my tongue. I was confused, content, scared, thrilled, curious. All at the same time. Or maybe that was the drink pairing talking.

The dessert round. On the left is a trio of bite size flavor explosions, upper right is all the flavors, textures, and temperatures of the world mixed into one dish, and bottom right is french fries dipped in a shake, but in square form.

I want everyone to have this experience in life. EVERYONE. If you have mucho extra casho laying around to spend, or a expense account and a client to impress, go here. Maybe you want to set the bar unreasonably high for a first date ruining first dates forever for the person you take, this is the place. Maybe you’re celebrating your 100th wedding anniversary. This is where you should take your spouse. Maybe you’re naturally rich; you should eat here every night. Maybe you’ve been given one day to live and you’re having a hard time choosing a restaurant. This is it. Maybe you found someone’s credit card laying in the street and you… ok, maybe I’ll stop there, you get the picture.

M&M. Mini Muffins and Menus.

PS: They sent us home with a mini muffin for tomorrow morning, so there’s also that.

PPS: The chefs mom knitted blankets for the back of all the chairs. You know. In case you wanted to snuggle.