single woman

A First Trimester Reflection/Over 3 Months Sober

by lisadiane

Sorry for the delay in blogging; been too busy enjoying my last few months of freedom before I’m never alone again forever. I will now give you a smattering of information and thoughts that I will separate by paragraphs for easy reading, but each paragraph will not include the same subject and would be graded poorly if reviewed by an educator.  Fair? 

Seriously, being pregnant is awesome.  I love it. I’m telling you, if things continue to go as swell as this, I’m going to get knocked up right away after and go for a second or be a surrogate.  I haven’t gained a pound which is FREAKING FANTASTIC NEWS.  Also, if one more person tells me I’m glowing they’re going to get a big fat smackeroo on the lips.  Seriously.  Love.

I feel really guilty acknowledging this out loud.  There are moms out there that may want to slice my throat open for things going this smoothly.  Including my own mom who has just recently stopped calling me in the morning asking me if “my symptoms have kicked in yet”.  (She had it rough with all 3 of us kids) I will say I did have 3 days a couple weeks ago where I felt fairly nauseous. BUT, I was in Charleston where it was 118 degrees with 1000% humidity so it also could have been that.  I just kept sucking on sour candy and stealing my nieces and nephews snacks they had packed for our field trips and I survived. 

Oh wait, I did throw up once.  Oh, and dry heaved over the toilet once.  So, 2 timesish. But to be honest that’s because I gagged myself with my toothbrush.  If you’ve ever seen me brush my teeth, I get pretty aggressive.  The Little does NOT like my current style of teeth brushing so I’ve had to ease up on that. 

As far as my “say yes to everything” attitude, I haven’t slowed down even a little.  I’ve traveled, golfed, happy houred, networked and gone to everything I’m invited to.  The past week (I’m at 14 weeks) I’ve had a TON of energy.  Over the past few months I’ve done some controversial things like drank the fresh squeezed lemonade at the Wisconsin State Fair and ate half of a really shitty looking lunch meat style sandwich in a box on a golf tournament.  My Little will have my incredible immune system.  I can drink the water in Mexico and sit on ANY public toilet.  (Except black toilets.  I hate black toilets) Oh, and last week I rode on a Bird Scooter because I was late to a meeting. Actually, a date.  More on that later.  I do in hindsight admit that was slightly reckless and won’t do it again. 

Lucky cousins at the 1st Ultrasound!

I had my first doctor appointment with an ultrasound where I got to see that there was one singular Little Travel Buddy in there with 2 arms, 2 legs and a heartbeat of 161 beats per minute so that was really relieving.  I brought with my lucky nieces who were there during the insemination, Georgia and Ivy, as well as their mom Natalie, and my mom.  My best friend Cynthia was there too, but only for breakfast before at one of my favorite breakfast spots in the city (Mimosa.  You must go if you haven’t been.) because she happened to have her 6-week postpartum appointment at the same place and same time!  It was amazing to have the gang all there.  Also, my mom made “ghost” cookies for the staff as a thank you for knocking me up.  (Mind wandering… wondering if she would have baked those same cookies for a guy if that’s how I ended getting pregnant instead?)

“Ghost” Cookies for the staff at the OBGYN office as a thank you

During the appointment, I could tell in classic Lisa style I did a couple of controversial things.  There’s always got to be that one person that goes against the grain, doesn’t there? (I believe our biggest enemy is the status quo so I’m used to the distaste I often get from others when I challenge the norm) First thing was when the doctor asked me if I wanted genetic testing done, I said “Yes please!”.  Listen, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be a-ok with a special needs baby, because I would.  I’m saying, it would be nice to be prepared if that was the case by researching and having my budget appropriately planned for the type of childcare and support that would require.  Test results were negative which is great but not 100% conclusive. 

Second thing I did that made Natalie and my mom feign with disapproval was that I asked about a planned C-Section.  Geez Louise people, I like to know all my options.  First of all, I get 2 extra weeks paid time off for a C-Section with Short Term Disability so there’s that.  (Did you know that the US is in the bottom 5 in the entire world for supporting working mothers having children? We only get 6 weeks paid, but only if we have Short Term Disability, and only a portion of our income. FMLA allows us to take 12 weeks off if we can afford it without losing our jobs. The World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 16 weeks off for your body to recover) Secondly, I already have a wild gnarly scar on my stomach from an emergency appendectomy so it would be cool to have a collection of them.  Thirdly, I’m still very single so it would be really nice for the future love of my life to meet my lady bits in all their glory before they are destroyed by a human emerging from them.  Just sayin’.  Not saying I’ll do it; I just would like to know my options.  Geez.  (Sidenote:  I love my mom and Natalie with all my heart and all of you as well so I am not at all discouraged by people challenging my decisions and disagreeing with me so I’m not even a little mad at them and you as well if you decide to weigh in.  I went into this full transparency, so I expect the healthy disagreements in opinions. Just so you know I ain’t mad about it and feel free to bring it without hurting my feelings)

My favorite part of the appointment was how excited Georgia was.  I gave her one of the pictures from the ultrasound and Natalie says she takes it with her everywhere.  I was telling Georgia about my doctor and how she has 3 little girls.  I rattled off the names of the girls, one of which was Amaya, and Georgia immediately fixated on that name and now calls the baby Amaya.  Natalie said to Georgia, “but what if it’s a boy?”  to which Georgia replied, “but what if it’s a girl?”  Touché Georgia.  Touché. 

Georgia showing off her 10 week in utero new cousin to her dad/my brother. The cutest ever.

Another quite magical part of this pregnancy is how attractive I am to men at the moment.  I’ve NEVER gotten this much attention in my life from men.  It’s pretty awesome.  My first experience into this phenomenon was in a Taco Bell drive through. (I promise that was my only Taco Bell drive through moment so far. It’s not a thing, it was just the only convenient thing on the way home from a late night work event. But now I really want Taco Bell.) The young man with the headset in the drive through taking orders was in his early 20’s and wearing a taco as a hat. He proceeded to tell me I was “rocking that bomber jacket”. (It was a pretty cool bomber jacket from Rent The Runway.) He wrote his name and number down and passed it to me saying “just in case” with a wink.  Because I was so surprised and flattered, my response was putting my hands over my heart and bursting into a huge smile and saying “THANK YOU!!!!” with enthusiasm because I was over the moon excited to be found attractive to anyone whilst pregnant. In hindsight, I feel bad for that reaction.  He probably was convinced that meant I was going to call him and waited by the phone for weeks.  I did not. It wasn’t the hat. The hat was the sexiest part.

My second experience was a Meet Cute IRL in the Apple Store with one of the Geniuses.  (Meet Cute is what they call it when you meet someone now days in the wild and not online.  IRL means “In Real Life”.  You’re welcome.) He was getting me hooked up with a new phone because I don’t put mine in a case, so it was all jacked up.  We had some fun banter the whole time.  I knew he might be into me when he offered to look at cases with me and left the Genius Bar to go slumming in the retail section. (I know from getting many a broken phone replaced that this is not at all something that happens IRL)  After more banter before I left, he asked if I might want to continue our conversation to which I excitedly replied “YES!” and he then asked for my number.  It was wild.  I genuinely can not remember the last time a man asked for my number IRL.  Maybe in Phoenix, years ago.  A guy followed me to my car outside of the grocery store and offered to put my groceries in the car. Psycho.  I blogged about that and was going to hyperlink the blog post for your to read but I’m so bad at technology that I can’t even access the website anymore. Not to give away the climax of this story but it’s too bad things didn’t work out with the Genius from the Apple Store, he could have helped me restore my old blog. He was hot. Anyways, me and the Genius went on a date to the Milwaukee Art Museum, and then he ghosted me after that.  I did not tell him I was pregnant.  He could have googled my name.  Whatevs.  Still got it!

Sorry for being a blogging slacker.  I do understand I scared many of you with my lack of communication, but I promise me and my Little Travel Buddy are doing great.  We even bought a rug for his or her nursery, so things are getting serious.  I’ll be better this next time I promise. 

Proof!

Thanks for following me on my adventure into motherhood!

Lisa

The Two Weeks After Finding Out I’m Pregnant

by lisadiane

Ok, I’m pregnant, now what?

Now I start to learn what that really means. First mind-blowing thing I learned is that the day I found out I was pregnant, I was considered 4 weeks pregnant. Even though I was inseminated 2 weeks before. I mean, I know I’m bad at math, but this just doesn’t add up. Apparently, they start counting on day 1 of your cycle. So hello, today, I’m 6 weeks pregnant! Even though I’m technically only 4 weeks pregnant. #confused (PS, week 4 the baby was the size of a poppy seed, week 5 the baby was the size of an apple seed, and this week the baby is a BLUEBERRY! And it’s making a face this week! Crazy!)

On the first day I found out I was pregnant, week 4 (I know, I can’t and you probably can’t either, but just roll with it) my doctor sent me for blood work to check my Progesterone and HCG levels. Progesterone helps prepare the uterus for pregnancy (which is good) and if the number is low, miscarriage could be inevitable. (I had a 47 and the standard range is 11.22-90) HCG is the hormone that you get when you are pregnant (or you inject into yourself while trying to get pregnant via IUI). My first bloodtest showed me at a 77 (You are supposed to be 50-500 in your first week) She made me go back 4 days later to confirm, as these numbers are supposed to double or more every 48 hours. 4 days later my HCG level was 450. Okkkkkuuuuuur. Girl, I’m pregnant.

I called to make my first appointment where they do an ultrasound. This normally happens around weeks 6-10. They can’t get me in until week 11. I’m all over here like, “So…. what am I supposed to do until then? Just sit around all pregnant and shit?” I can’t believe they just trust me to be doing the right things until then. Thank God for my sister in law Natalie turned Doula who always knows the right thing to say. And the internet. (PS: A Doula is a birth companion or coach who keeps you cool and calm and educated)

An example of Natalie’s telepathic Doula skills: I left my dog with them the day after I found out I was pregnant to go up north with a big group of friends to party on Green Lake for a couple of nights. (FYI, “Party” for me that weekend meant drinking water and watching everyone get ripped, and then leaving a night early because I was tired AF and soooooooo wanted my own bed) On my way out the door, Natalie says, “By the way, you should experience some cramping over the next few weeks, and that’s normal.” Seriously, if she wouldn’t have told me that, I would be FREAKING OUT. So. Much. Cramping.

Speaking of symptoms, I feel great. Seriously, great. The only symptoms I have at the moment are:

-Sensitive Nipples. Yes, I said nipples. I’m sure there are men reading this and giggling because I said nipples. It’s literally my most predominant symptom and the one that reassures me that I’m still pregnant. The rest of these symptoms are just… light.

-Tired AF. But I LOVE to sleep so bring it. I have even taken TWO naps in the the past 2 weeks! Totally unheard of for me. I mean, look how good I sleep at night, why would I ever need a nap? Yes, I’m an insanely good sleeper. But we should also talk about how amazing this sleep app is. It’s been a game changer for me. Sleep Cycle. Download it.

The Sleep Cycle App. Literally the most amazing app I own. I’ll tell you more about it some other time.

-No more snoring and a smaller waistline. Ok, so these symptoms might have more to do with me not drinking anymore, but still, GREAT symptoms!

-Cramps on Cramps on Cramps. This is not my favorite thing because they feel just like period cramps so I’m constantly thinking I’m going to get my period. Apparently right now inside my body, my uterus is stretching and contorting, and building an ADDITIONAL ORGAN (I can’t. I just can’t.) called a placenta to hold the baby. As the baby grows inside, it will just shove all my organs wherever it pleases and the tiny human will take over.

-Not. Hungry. At all. Not mad about it! Don’t forget, I’m still super single so I don’t have that “Your husband will love you no matter what you look like” situation on my hands so I really have to keep my shit tight during this process and not go overboard. Healthy body. Healthy body. Healthy body. I still laugh about this one. (Because it’s SO not me. Girl can eat.) One day, I made myself 3 different lunches because I hadn’t eaten at all that day and wanted to make sure I was taking care of my little travel buddy. I didn’t want any of them. I forced myself to just eat the 3rd meal. It was tomato soup. When it was 95 degrees outside. I don’t get it.

-I’m SO THIRSTY! I’ve never drank this much water in my life. I can’t get enough. Must be ice cold or I’m sad.

The “Cinnamon Tonic” Mocktail from Bodegon

I’ve had lots of energy, I’m not crabby, no nausea (everyone cross your fingers), and I’ve been sleeping around a 95% sleep quality every night. My goal during this pregnancy is to find the best Mocktail in the city (So far Elsa’s, Bodegon, and The Diplomat are in the running.) I’m reading a book my friend gave me called “Expecting 411” which in hindsight I should have read prior to getting pregnant. (The chapter on “Labor” is making me queasy, and I literally had to skip the chapter on “Complications”) I’m using the “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” App, and the “Ovia” App. (per my doula, Natalie) I hate the WTEWYE App though because there are all these “chat rooms” and stuff of people due around the same time as you and you get sucked into their madness. So I’m over than one. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Whatever happens, happens.

I’m loving all the support from all the people, thank you. My desperate plea is that you don’t forget to invite me to things just because I’m pregnant. Rent the Runway has a great selection of maternity wear gala dresses and formal events. (I have an unlimited subscription) I’ve also discovered I still have my sea legs so boating is on the table. Keep in mind, I make an excellent designated driver, and I’m the same level of fun sober or not. Promise. I have 7 and a half more months to rip it up alone before my new travel buddy gets here and the rules change. So call me maybe.

Thanks for joining me on my journey!

Lisa

Sushi is tired after reading “Expecting 411”

IUI Round 2.

by lisadiane

Where did we leave off? Oh yes. Day 1 of Round 2. The start of another round, and the start of a 2 week drunk fest. I mean, you can’t blame me for wanting to self medicate! 100% I can tell you that being able to drink was the one good thing that came from not getting knocked up on the first round. Just kidding, obviously exaggerating, but you get what I mean.

Round 2 started very much the same as Round 1. You can read about Round 1 here. The difference with the first two weeks of Round 2 though is that they were very stressful. Way more stressful than the first round. Week 2 of Round 2 in fact was one of the most stressful anxiety ridden weeks I’ve had in QUITE some time. I normally thrive on stress, high pressure, and uncomfortable situations. (You know, sales) But Week 2 stacked stress on stress on stress on stress until I broke.

On Day 14, Insemination Day, my sister in law Natalie insisted that this wasn’t going to work if the magic happened alone in a windowless room again, so she and my two amazing nieces, Ivy (8 months) and Georgia (almost 3) came to give good vibes! Everything about Day 14 was different from Round 1. The room had a window. I had Natalie and my two nieces there. (As well as the NP, Nurse, and Student Doctor again of course) And this time, the sperm were dead.

My Insemination Cheerleader, Ivy, at my appointment sending me good baby vibes

My SIL Natalie really wanted to see the swimming spermies under the microscope like I was able to last time. If you remember, 20 minutes after the first round, they were still swimming like crazy under the microscope! This time, after the procedure, Natalie ran over to the microscope with the doctor, only to find a slide full of dead sperm. When they walked back into the room, I knew something was wrong. They both tried their hardest to convince me that they did everything right with the procedure and defrosting of the sperm, and just simply prepared the slide wrong. In my head though, I was convinced I was full of dead sperm. Making my week of stress climax in crazy.

The next morning, as I was about to explode and run away from home, I forced myself to attend a networking event at my amazing female networking organization, TEMPO, that was about emotional intelligence and mindfulness. It. Was. Kismet. At that moment I knew that if there was any chance there were any surviving sperm in me, they didn’t stand a chance with my stress hormones at the level they were at. So I read the book that the speaker recommended, “10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in my Head, Reduced Stress without Losing my Edge, and Found Self Help that Actually Works”, deleted all my social media apps, canceled all my plans for 2 weeks, and whipped out a few boxes of puzzles to do while I practiced my breathing and tried meditation.

When I started my two week social media hiatus and mindfulness exercise, I was so stressed I couldn’t even take a deep breath in. I literally couldn’t fill my belly with air and exhale. It took days of practice to be able to be able to actually breathe. As the two weeks went by, I focused on surrounding myself with people who loved me and who were completely on board with my baby making process, and was able to completely shut out the background noise.

I spent 2 weeks walking, sitting at Colectivo writing, doing jigsaw puzzles, watching sunsets, exploring downtown with Natalie and the girls. I went to happy hour with friends, ate and drank whatever I wanted without fear of getting “mom shamed” (When you’re as vocal about what you’re doing as I am, people are not afraid to share their opinions of what you *must* do (and not do) in order to get pregnant). Sushi and I went boating a few times with the family, I went to Summerfest with friends. I had SO much more time to relax, breath, and enjoy life without Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. I thought I would be lonely, but plenty of my real people reached out to check on me via text or phone call. (Sidenote: this is really great to know because being a single mom, I’m going to need people to check on me to see if I’m alive before my child learns how to dial 911)

On Day 25, Natalie wanted me to pee on a stick. So I did. And it was white as a ghost. What do you think? Natalie swears she sees a line, I thought she was insane. One thing about IUI is that you shouldn’t test early because you take 10,000 cc’s of HCG in that trigger shot and it can take 14 days for all that extra HCG to get out of your system. When you pee on a stick, it measures your HCG levels. HCG happens when you are pregnant. On Day 26, I peed on a stick again, and nothing. Day 27, I was out of town and didn’t even bother to bring a stick with to pee on. I had cramps and *knew* I was going to get my period the next day.

Sticks from Days 25 and 26. Or as the pros say, “11 and 12 Days DPO (Days Past Ovulation)”

Day 28, I woke up in the morning, was surprised to not have my period. (Hello clockwork uterus, where are you?) I peed on a cheapie dollar store stick (I didn’t want to waste the money on a good one, plus I had only had the two from earlier. Rookie!) and went to let my dog out on the roof. When i got back, I glanced at the stick, and then glanced again. I might have seen a fairly light line on this one. Natalie was convinced. My doctor sent me in for bloodwork and voila! The sperm weren’t dead.

My first positive test on day 28 of my cycle, or day 14 DPO as the pros say

It’s really too early to tell the world, but I’ve put it all out there and I’m a terrible liar so every time someone asks me if I’m pregnant, I can’t lie and I say yes. I’m remaining unemotional about it at this point as I’ve heard so many miscarriage stories and read that 1 out of 2 pregnancies end up in miscarriage. But you know me. If something happens, I’m just going to talk about it anyways! Lisa= No Filter. Anyhoo, Sushi is excited. She even tried on her new baby sister or brothers clothes while she chewed on the pee stick. (Don’t worry, it wasn’t the end I peed on.)

Sushi reading the positive pregnancy test while trying on her new brother or sisters onesie that was a gift from a friend at the Sperm Party

Thanks for joining me on this journey! I’ll keep you in the loop as I find out more.

Lisa